somniferous

I hate all the times when I think that time can fade away even a singe thing.seems that everything remains somewhere,even every breath we take...
I confess,I don't know how to live either.


p.s: I just encountered the new look of blogger:-? haven't inspected it,but maybe it's gonna be improved.

تو مشغول مردن ات بودی

هیچ چیز جلودارت نبود

نه لحظه های خوش. نه آرامش. نه دریای مواج.

تو مشغول مردن ات بودی.

نه درختانی

که به زیرشان قدم می زدی، نه درختانی که سایه سارت بودند

نه پزشکی

که بیم ات می داد، نه پزشک جوان سپید مویی که یکبار جانت را نجات داد.

تو مشغول مردن ات بودی.

هیچ چیز جلو دارت نبود. نه پسرت. نه دخترت

که غذایت می داد و از تو باز، بچه ای ساخته بود.

نه پسرت که خیال می کرد تا ابد زنده خواهی ماند.

نه بادی که گریبانت را می جنباند.

نه سکونی که زمین گیرت کرده بود.

نه کفش هات که سنگین تر می شدند.

نه چشم هات که به جلو نگاه نمی کردند.

هیچ چیز جلودارت نبود.

در اتاقت می نشستی و به شهر خیره می شدی و

مشغول مردن ات بودی.

می رفتی سر کار و می گذاشتی سرما بخزد لای لباس هات.

می گذاشتی خون بتراود لای جوراب هات.

رنگ صورت ات پرید.

صدایت دو رگ شد.

بر عصایت یله می دادی.

و هیچ چیز جلو دارت نبود.

نه دوستانت که نصیحت ات می کردند.

نه پسرت. نه دخترت که می دید نحیف و نحیف تر می شوی.

نه آه های خسته ات

نه شش هایت که آب انداخته بود.

نه آستین هایت که حامل درد دستهایت بود.

هیچ چیز جلو دارت نبود.

تو مشغول مردن ات بودی.

وقتی با بچه ها بازی می کردی، مشغول مردن ات بودی.

وقتی می نشستی غذا بخوری

وقتی که شب، خیس اشک از خواب پا می شدی و زار می زدی

مشغول مردن ات بودی.

و هیچ چیز جلودارت نبود.

نه گذشته.

نه آینده با هوای خوش اش.

نه منظره ی اتاق ات، نه منظره ی حیاط گورستان.

نه شهر. نه این شهر زشت با عمارت های چوبی اش.

نه شکست. نه توفیق.

هیچ کاری نمی کردی فقط مشغول مردنت بودی.

ساعت را به گوشت می چسباندی

حس می کردی داری می افتی.

بر تخت دراز می کشیدی.

دست به سینه می شدی و خواب دنیای بی تو را می دیدی.

خواب فضای زیر درختان.

خواب فضای توی اتاق.

خواب فضایی که حالا از تو خالی ست.

و مشغول مردن ات بودی.

و هیچ چیز جلودارت نبود.

نه نفس کشیدن ات. نه زندگی ت.

نه زندگی ای که می خواستی.

نه زندگی ای که داشتی.

هیچ چیز جلودارت نبود...

happy new year

hmm it has been more than a year since I wrote the post"deseo" right down this page, and now I am almost 18 and a month:-?

so I am in my 19...

a year later I'll be in my 20...

I wonder how fast time passes by....

this reminds me of what daddy told me this morning when I was feeling terribly anxious, he said "don't worry ,today will be gone with all these anxiousness as yesterdays were gone, one day we'll be gone all as our fathers and mothers were, so just try to smile and be happy to make a good day for yourself and people around you."

I hope I remember this every moment...

thanks Dad

Whist

these days I feel everything is getting ok , I am spending last days of being a third grade high school student.
many things has changed mostly about my feelings .as days go by, I just think that how much I will miss today,tomorrow. now I just mention nothing but all I have missed and I'll.
all best friends...all moments...maybe it feels like I am gonna die soon coz also my friends told me that they miss me these days more than ever :))
it was so windy at school . as I walked I had a strange desire to fall,like I am weightless , may the wind catch me and I may dance with it ,swinging...I stretched my arms...I could feel the wind getting through me like all the time in wonderland...
I have missed my wonderland :-<

fight club

if you read this then this warning is for you. every word you read of this useless fine print is another second of your life.don't you have other things to do? is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? do you read everything you're supposed to read? do you think everything you're supposed to think? but you're told what you should want? get out of your apartment . meet a member of a opposite sex.stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. quit your job. start a fight .prove you're alive.if you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic.you have been warned!!!!

L I F E

long time no writing maybe it is not relieving me now as it used to do before.I don't know. but I have always loved it,anyway...
these days seems somehow unfavorable for me just wanna get through it the best way I can,but it is too much tiring for me and I am too much tiresome for everyone around me.
I understand.
I don't know how I should build something based on nothing!!stupid!
nth works for this one!
though I don't totally like "Paulo Coelho"'s philosophy and his books,here is just a part of the book "alchemist".
anyway it says:
"at the point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. they are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives, but as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny"
...
"it 's a force that appears to be negative,but actually shows you how to realize your destiny.
it prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this planet:
whoever you are. or whatever it is that you do , when you really want something it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe.it's your mission on Earth"

deseo

wish wish wish...!?
a new wish...many old wishes..impossible wishes...forgotten wishes...wishes I am going to make...this is called life based on wishes!!!!
soon I am going to make my bithday wish!8-|
but I hate all these wishes...
I wanna live better,see better,take care better...
many things are happening around,but are they really as they seem to be?!
I just can say nothing to you now but remember eyes are blind, you have to look with the heart ,it's only with the heart that one can see rightly what's essential is invisible to the eye.but who understands this?!
you know,I am not trying to be who I am not...